I Want
by LadyBranwen2012
Summary: Gohan finds Videl's journal in a hallway at school and reads it and he finds out that she's not as tough as she seems. Kind of angsty in the journal, but Gohan is really sweet trying to make her feel better. Little bad language.


Hi all!  Long time no see!  This time I've decided to stray away from the Brief family, at the suggestion of one of my reviewers.  Really, I have more knowledge of the Brief family because I just find them more interesting.  But anyway, I thought I would try a Gohan and Videl story.  So you can kind of guess that I'm not completely sure if they are in character.  I think that Videl definitely got OOC, so I'm sorry to hardcore Videl fans!  ^_^  But anyway, on an off note, I sort of based how Videl is and feels on both myself and one of my friends.  My friend is really tough on the outside, but just as fragile as the rest of us are on the inside.  She knows who she is!  ^_^  

The lines from the poems are from Jewel Kilcher aka the singer Jewel from her book A Night without Armor.  Obviously, I'm not Jewel and so therefore, I don't own anything she has ever written.  And I have nothing to do with creating DBZ!  I'm just a loyal fan!  ^_^

BTW, this is set after Videl finds out who Gohan really is. 

**I Want**

Gohan walked quickly down the hallway, already late for his next class, but suddenly noticed a book lying on the floor.  

_            "Oh no, someone must have dropped this on their way to class," he thought.  __"I wonder whose it is."_

            He picked the book up off of the floor and upon closer inspection found that it wasn't a schoolbook at all, but a journal.  Gohan opened the front cover, but there was not a name.  He flipped through the pages and immediately recognized the handwriting.  Curious, Gohan flipped to the last entry and walked to a corner and read.

_                        Everyone thinks I'm a brat, a snob, a bitch.  I admit, probably sometimes I am all those things.  Maybe I just seem that way most of the time, but I really am a nice person.  Why can't people see that? I have problems too.  I mean, come on, I help the police out during school.  How is that helping my education?  How am I ever going to get a real job in the real world if I'm never in my classes?  I know, I know.  It was my choice to begin with.  I wanted to stop the surplus of crime in the cities.  I wanted to make a difference here and now and prove that not all teenagers are slackers, not all of us go around doing pot and smoke and have sex all day after school.  There are those of us who actually want to make something of ourselves.  I mean Gohan for example…_

_                        I'm not a bitch.  Maybe a little condescending sometimes, but that's only to the people who really are below me.  Not just class-wise, as in money, but I mean as in manners and refinement.  The need to prepare for the future; having a goal in life other than getting laid.  These people in my school are so superficial.  They think nothing of what life will be like once they are out of school and are forced to work.  We are the future and to me, the future looks dismal.  These people are going to be ruling the world?  These people, these druggies, are going to be handling lawsuits?  They are going to be presidents and prime ministers?  They are going to be top businessmen?  It makes me sick to think that some airhead is going to be in charge of such important things.  We need people with knowledge and strength to lead, not a person who doesn't even have a pea for a brain, just air!_

_                        I suppose I make things hard on myself.  Nobody sees the real me.  I put on a front, a mask, every day so that no one sees what I really think.  Maybe I'm just stupid and need to get with the times, but I want so desperately to believe in a person's goodness.  I want there to be knights in shining armor, just waiting for the right time to whisk me away to some wonderful place where I can truly be happy.  I want to see the good in people, really I do.  _

_                        I want a nicer life.  Oh, I have it good now.  I'm rich, I have anything I could ever want, and if I ever want anything else, I know I can get it.  I have security.  I have a wonderful, though too overprotective father.  But I'm not completely happy.  I've never had a boyfriend.  Never even a first kiss.  That's my doing.  I'm not blaming myself.  I want it this way.  True to my belief in all the inherent good, I'm saving myself.  Maybe not until marriage, maybe I'll want to mess around before then…but I want to save my kisses, my heart, and my love for someone whom I can trust.  I have these lines from a few poems I have read.  They describe me completely:_

_                                                "I wish you could hold me in your arms like oceans and soothe what my muscles remember.  All the bruises, all the sour hope, all the screams and scraped knees.  The cloudy days so dark I wondered if my eyes were even open."_

_                                                "Let me steady myself in the arms of a man who won't ask me to be what he needs, but lets me exist as I am, a blonde flame, a hurricane, wrapped up in a tiny body, that will come to his arms, like the safest harbor for mending."_

_                                                "I love him over there, far from me."_

_I want a boyfriend who will be there for me, no matter what.  I have my dad's love, but I want real love.  I want hugs and kisses and comfort from all my troubles, no matter how petty and insignificant they seem.  I let too many things get to me, but I want someone to be there for me.  Someone who can kiss my lips and cradle me in the bed and tell me that everything will be all right, even if they won't be.  That's what I need.  I need someone with comforting arms to hold me and make me feel that there is such a thing as love in this world._

_I've been jealous of the sluts in the school for a long time now.  I shouldn't be.  I have more morals, dignity, and honor than they do.  I'm not willing to let myself get a bad reputation.  But at least they have 5 different guys to go to, even if the love in those relationships isn't really love. I don't want to have 5 boyfriends at one time.  I don't want to have to wonder if one of them is cheating like I would be.  I don't want to have to have my heart broken.  I'm fragile, no matter how tough I look on the outside.   What is it like to fall asleep in the arms of a man?  What is it like to wake up and see the man you love there next to you in the bed? What is it like to create a child with your soul mate?  Oh well.  Like I said, I brought this on myself.  So by keeping my dignity and not running to every guy who crosses my path, I've in essence condemned myself to torture and a life of solitude.      _

_                        _

            Gohan read the last of the entry and got up with a serious look on his face as he was deep in thought.  The bell rang and drew him out of his thinking.  He turned and ran down the stairs and to the classroom he was supposed to have been in.

            "Son Gohan!  What the hell is wrong with you?!  Why weren't you in school today?"  Videl stormed out of the class and right up to him.

            "H-Hi Videl," he said sheepishly.  "I was just a little late."

            "You call missing two classes little?"

            He shrugged, "I guess so.  But hey, Videl, it is lunchtime anyway, isn't it?  Can you join me for lunch and catch me up?"

            She rolled her eyes.  "I suppose I could.  But you better not be late again!"

            They walked together in silence to the lunch room and then outside to eat.  Once they had sat down, Gohan pulled the journal from his backpack and handed it to Videl.  "I found this on the floor in one of the hallways."

            "You didn't read it did you?"  She asked this with more worry than anger.

            Gohan bit his lip, but decided to take the plunge and tell the truth.  He scooted over next to her and put his arm around her as smoothly as he could without making himself look ridiculous.

            "Oh!  You did read it didn't you!"  Videl dropped her face into her hands in shame.

            "Videl," Gohan said gently.  He cupped her face in his hand and turned her gaze toward his.  "I don't think any less of you.  I think it's great that you expressed yourself.  At least you didn't keep all of that locked up."  She said nothing and looked down at the grass.  "I don't blame you for feeling that way about the people in the school.  Most of them are exactly as you describe.  And your right," he said with a grin, "it is kind of scary to think they're our future."

            She giggled and wiped away a stray tear that had begun to form.

            "Oh look, Sharpener," Erasa said loudly, "Aren't they sooooo cute together?"

            Sharpener snorted and looked disdainfully down at Gohan.  "I don't think so."

            "Why Videl, what's wrong?" Erasa asked crouching down beside Videl. 

            Videl shook her head.  "I want to be left alone now…so if you could all just go, I would-"

            "Hear that, Gohan?  She wants to be left alone.  So get up and go."

            "Do you have a problem, Sharpener?  She wants you two to leave her alone.  We were having a conversation until you showed up."

            "Gohan, please, you don't have to do this," Videl said meekly from the ground.

            Gohan looked back down at her and smiled.  "You know I can take care of myself."  He winked.  

            "Let's just go," Erasa said with a roll of her eyes.  "I'm not in the mood for a fist fight."

            Sharpener reluctantly nodded and left with her.

            Gohan turned to Videl and said, "You know, why don't we just skip school for today and go have some fun?  Or at least go someplace where you can collect your thoughts without being bothered?"

            She got up.  "I wouldn't normally do this, you know…but…I guess one time wouldn't hurt."

            They walked to a side of the building and then blasted into the air together, flying until Gohan pointed down at a meadow and began to land.

            "Why are we here?"

            "I like this place," Gohan answered, looking around with familiarity.  "I always come here when I'm having a bad day."

            "I can see why."

            There was one solitary elm tree for shade, but the rest of the meadow was beautiful.  Flowers bloomed everywhere and there was a sense of harmony and peace in the air.  Videl sat her backpack down on the grass and leaned up against the tree, Gohan choosing to sit across from her.

            "I'm really sorry, Gohan, but I feel so tired," Videl murmured.  

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

            Videl woke up on her side.  It took awhile, but she finally remembered where she was and also realized that there was an arm around her.  She quickly sat up and turned to see Gohan with a sticky note stuck to his forehead. 

_I know this meadow isn't a bed, and I'm probably not your soul mate, but at least now you know what it is like to fall asleep in the arms of a man._

            Videl smiled.

            _"Maybe you are my soul mate, Gohan," she thought.  __"You're at least thoughtful enough to do this for me.  More than anyone else has ever done."_

            She lay back down on the soft grass facing Gohan as if she had not woken up and cuddled up against him.

            _"He's so nice and warm…He's surprisingly strong for looking so puny…"  She pulled his arm farther out from underneath his head so that she would have something to rest her head on too.  __"But for being so strong, he's also really comfortable."_

_            Videl snuggled against him one last time before falling into another deep sleep.  Gohan raised one eyelid when he heard her light snore and smiled.  He took the sticky note off of his forehead, then kissed her cheek tenderly._

            "I love you, Videl," he whispered.

_    _


End file.
